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2.Jones Deviation-Slaps Night Out New Zealand- 2/3 of the JJ fm crew-http://www.jonesdeviation.co.nz/
3.Kinky Retro-Pray 2 No.! Demons and Angels Manchester ,UK-kinky retro.net-
http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3Lmtpbmt5cmV0cm8ubmV0L3BhZ2UzL2luZGV4Lmh0bWw=
http://www.myspace.com/kinkyretro
4 Liquoroxx ask me to stop-Chicago Illinois-http://www.myspace.com/liquornbooze
5.Verismo-Give I Back-Greed E.P.-Brooklyn NY-http://www.verismetal.com/terminal.php
6.Violent Divine-Blackheart-Sweden-http://www.violentdivine.se/index.php

Everybody wants to help a band out. Here are two girls that are doing it successfully,they call themselves the Nusense Girls and their band of choise is Nusense.

Also Featured:

Nusense
Sloppy Roast Beef-My Nose Is Running
All Things Green-Tilt-A-Whirl

Milele Roots-The Outlaw Ganja

Crank Sanatra-A cryonized Reflection

Biography
The narrative arc of BLOOD RED SUN is not a paved path. This band is unafraid to challenge the status quo.

Background music provided by Telling On Trixie

Pushing 6-xxx stack-- http://www.myspace.com/pushing6
Manticore-Congregation Of The Wolf- http://www.myspace.com/manticore05 -Gray Cort South Carolina
Spekulum-Army Of Clones- http://www.myspace.com/spekulumtheband Knoxville,TN
Monday's Remedy-Barry- http://www.myspace.com/mondaysremedy
powersville-Enemy
Queen Anne's Revenge-Death Or Jail
Shadowside-Red Storm
7th Sorrow-Shades Of Fists

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Come September
Stop draggin Me Down
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We are now featured on www.Garagerock101.net and the Association Of Rock and Roll Podcasts located at www.theassofrock.com
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The Thieves
Take the vibe and attitude of old school rock, fuse it with a modern edge, get some serious playing, mix it with real songs and youd be getting close to what The Thieves sound like.

Ridiculously rocking and catchy... expect big things. GIANT

"Verdict: it's just an E.P, But this could drop huge." - Drum!

"What makes The Thieves' album so significant is the fact that the band took their time to write hooks and didn't settle for repetitive power chords throughout the album. Tales from the White Line might as well be renamed Blues Rock Album of the Year." - Outburn

The Influence

Shifting from the acoustic signature of their self-titled debut album, The Influence is using their talent to project a candid look at reality in their sophomore effort, Pig Radio. From the ashes of a volatile youth, rise Archer Stephenson’s lyrics in the form of a gritty and honest chronicle. His vocal energy invites the audience to slip into his emotions and connect with his inner turmoil and resilience.

Since 2005, The Influence has been drawing fans from across the East Coast. With cultural influences spanning the globe, the five-member band creates an edgy, neo-grunge sound. After a tour including 200 appearances at campuses and premiere venues and performances supporting Carbon Leaf, Los Lonely Boys, and Bowling For Soup, The Influence has set the bar high with their follow up album.

The driving force behind Stephenson’s voice is the band – complemented by Will Clarke and John Zontini’s guitar interplay, bassist Chris Tully thumps the bass groove, as drummer Collin Cogan sets the band’s pulse. Together, they accomplish a striking sound combination that balances homage paid to pioneers such as Cobain and Corgan, while also remaining refreshingly modern in appeal.

From start to finish, Pig Radio offers variety in content. First single, “Cielo Sin Sol” makes its mark with a rebellious bass driven tone, while “At Sunset” concludes the record melodically with upbeat guitars and a warm finish. The current disc exemplifies the band’s nature as it intrigues listeners with moody lyrics, reinvents a rock genre, and uniquely blends the influence of music.
Sovus Radio
Hailing from the explosive Atlanta music scene, psychedelic four-piece, Sovus Radio are poised for multi-dimensional success. Formed in the spring of 2005, the band has built a strong local fan-base, and garnered mounds of critical praise for redefining pop by infusing it with a more menacing rock and roll spirit. Their music revisits the past while looking forward, melding the smooth pop and harmonies of the Beatles and the Everly Brothers with the unbridled energy of The Who and Sonic Youth, with their live shows venturing out into occasional sonic excursions reminiscent of early Pink Floyd and CAN.

Most of the members of the band come from south of Atlanta. Principal songwriter/vocalist/guitarist Ty Thompson has been in the band the longest, bassist Chris Kaufmann joined while still in high school. Drummer Jay Jim James Royals still calls Griffin, Ga home. Organist/guitarist Spencer Pope was the most recent to join, rounding out the lineup of like-minded musicians. Attendees of a Sovus Radio concert can expect entertainment of the highest caliber; Thoughtful pop songs will spiral into soundscapes of fuzz, tape echo, and haunting organ. Vocal harmonies, lo-fi projections, and jangly guitars round out the spectacle. They will surely be a band to watch in the near and present future.

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Bios:
Figo
Scandalized by experimental electronic and alternative rock music, New York’s FIGO is a five piece group with vocalist/guitarist Parag Bhandari, bassist Paul Daly, guitarist Robert Rivadeneira, programmer Ryan Jones, and drummer Evan Lytton. Influenced by groups like Primal Scream, NIN, The Misfits, The Chemical Brothers, and The Ramones, the band fuses intense raw live energy with pounding beats and samples. FIGO also doubles as a two-man DJ crew, with Parag and Paul on the decks, who mix heavy house club tracks with punk and rock. On their own the band has already crushed performances at venues like Chicago’s Crobar and New York City’s Bowery Ballroom with appearances at Amsterjam Music Festival, Winter Music Conference, CMJ Music Marathon, and South By Southwest. The group has shared bills with artists such as The Presets, Datarock, Wolfmother, She Wants Revenge, The Sounds, Foo Fighters, Tommie Sunshine, ...Trail Of Dead, The Benevento Russo Duo, and VHS or BETA. The band is preparing to release a still to be named new EP this November 7 on Takeover Music. In addition, separate remixes from acclaimed electronic producers Tommie Sunshine and Knowlton Walsh are in the works for fall releases.
Telling On Trixie
On their self-titled, debut album, you can hear the seamless result of two very different people joining together to create music with skill and passion – and it’s music that is already substantially impacting listeners. In its first few weeks, the album has entered in to rotation in the top 5 add slots on stations nationwide, ranking as high as #2 on several stations’ College Music Journal Top 30 charts. Off to a strong start, Telling on Trixie’s first show drew 112 people at the Ace of Clubs in New York; their second show will be on the main stage at Knitting Factory in May, a venue seasoned bands have a hard time booking.
The Passive Aggresives
Few bands are more aptly named than The Passive Aggressives. The term itself describes aggression expressed in passive ways, and in many respects, that's how the band reaches their sound. Melodic sounds draw the listener in, a voice coos and then the hammer comes down. It's a sound not easily defined (another passive aggressive move); maybe it can be called "libido rock" or another term never heard before - but the Bay Area based quartet's debut, "Reloaded" is like nothing currently out there -- and they want you to know it.
Edible Red
Led by firecracker front woman Collette McLafferty, edibleRed is an eclectic New York City-based five-piece collective of atypical musicians. The memorable songs the band creates can be heard on their debut CD, Welcome to My Bad Behavior, slated for release in late May, 2007 on veteran indie label Select Records. Aside from being one of the most talked about bands in the tri-state area, edibleRed has been cultivating a diehard national following, and planting seeds internationally thanks to non-stop touring, and radio and TV appearances. Featured lyricist McLafferty is edibleRed’s femme-fatale who describes her sound as one of “a classically trained voice that slowly degenerated into a rock singer’s.” Alongside McLafferty is edibleRed co-founding member, the Grammy nominated drummer Tom Papadatos. EdibleRed’s prime fixe, cellist Dave Eggar with his so-tasty-they-must-be-bad-for-you licks, is known for his groundbreaking classical string quartet Flux and his extensive touring with some of rock’s hottest acts. Lead guitarist Sean McMechen brings edibleRed’s hard rock roots to the surface while bassist Marty Osterer lays down the band’s tight, crunchy rhythms.
Circle Of Fifths
"On the heals of a revamped line up in 2005, Circle of Fifths has pushed to the front of the regional music scene as one of the Midwest's more promising rock acts. Staying away from the pop rock/'faux punk' scene, 'CO5' is unapologetically a modern rock band, in the realm of acts like Crossfade, Shinedown, Retrograde, and Thornely, just to name a few. With Keith Moon-esque drum work, no-nonsense bass lines, thick guitar riffs, and and sincere authentic vocals, their hard work and fresh approach to original rock music drew the attention of Dreamscapes Records out of New York City. 'CO5' signed with the label in the spring of 2006 and are currently promoting their latest Dreamscape release 'From the Ashes,' also released in the spring of 2006. The 13 track CD is available through such outlets as CDBaby.com, Napster.com, Walmart.com, and ITunes. Aside from their original creativity, another marquee of this four piece rock act is their knack for taking other songs and giving them a modern touch, apparent in their renditions of such songs as Billy Idol's 'White Wedding' and Soft Cell's 'Tainted Love.''CO5' also plays choice covers from such acts as Led Zepplin, Metallica, Velvet Revolver, and many, many more. Circle of Fifths has collectively opened up for National Acts like Finger 11, Breaking Benjamin, Citizen King and many more. 'CO5' looks to push the envelope by seeking exposure to new audiences, while continuing to thrill their fans and create music which is unique, creative, and as always, flat out 'rawks." As of recent, the quartet are working on new material for their next release, which as of now is unofficially titled 'Six Dollar Savior.' CO5 is already working two new tracks 'Better' and 'Your Song' into current performances. The band intends to begin recording tracks in late fall 2007/early winter 2008, and have seriously considered doing the recording at the famous Smart Studios in Madison, WI. Smart has recorded bands such as Limp Bizkit, Smashing Pumpkins, and Nirvana. Smart Studio is also co-owned by Garbage co-founder Butch Vig, who was instrumental in Nirvana's historical release 'Nevermind.' Circle of Fifths uses and endorses these companies and their products....

SANDIEGO NEWS SERVICES

10:09 a.m. September 9, 2007

SANTEE – An all-night SWAT standoff at a Santee mobile home subdivision led to the arrest of a 52-year-old man, who reportedly became enraged after he became upset with Wal-Mart's return policy.

Deputies said the long night began when a man went to a Lakeside Wal-Mart to exchange ammunition at about 8 p.m. When employees refused his request, he became irate and threatened the employees, promising to return to kill them all, deputies said.

The man left to try his luck at the Santee Wal-Mart. But those employees also reportedly refused his request to exchange ammunition, deputies said.

This time the man didn't leave. He walked into the parking lot, loaded a gun and fired shots into the air before driving away, witnesses told deputies.

No one was injured, and witnesses were able to write down his license plate number. The sheriff's department tracked him down to the 10,000 block of Prospect Avenue in Santee, where he lives at the Town & Country Mobile Home Lodge, deputies said.

SWAT and the San Diego Sheriff's Department surrounded the man's mobile home at about midnight, said deputies.

They tried tear gas among other techniques before finally taking the man into custody around 7:50 a.m., said Lt. Dave Myers with the San Diego Sheriff's Department.

Authorities would not release his name, and do not believe anyone was in the home with the man.

American women too tired for sex
Sachin Kalbag
Wednesday, March 07, 2007 21:38 IST
WASHINGTON, DC: It’s official now. The Washington-based National Sleep Foundation says that American women are so stressed out and sleep-deprived that a majority of them have no time for sex or even to make friends.

The foundation’s ‘2007 Sleep in America’ poll says that 72 per cent of working American women experience insomnia, and a third of the women stop having sex to try and get a good night’s sleep.
The national-level poll targeted 1,003 women in the age group 18-64. “American women are struggling... Women’s lack of sleep affects virtually every aspect of their time-pressed lives, leaving them late for work, stressed out, too tired for sex and little time for their friends,” said Kathryn Lee, a member of the Foundation’s task force.

American women are struggling to cope with this lack of sleep. Although women’s lifestyles are compromised due to lack of sleep, they keep going. Eighty per cent of women say that when they experience sleepiness during the day they just accept it and keep going.

However, in order to keep going, 65 per cent are likely to use caffeinated beverages, with per cent of all women consuming three or more caffeinated beverages per day.
Go to: dnaindia.com

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Bios
The Stone Coyotes
A family trio who play bare-bones literate American rock.

Barbara was signed to a major label - but unhappy with show business in general, she gave back her advance and Doug quit his one-day-old job as story editor for “Happy Days”. He took up drums and son John took up bass at the ripe old age of eleven. Reclusive by choice, the band moved from L.A. to Massachusetts to write, play and record in their cellar.

The States

The States were formed by Chris Snyder (vocals and guitar) and Previn Warren (bass) in 2002 and solidified their lineup with the addition of Joe Stroll (drums) in 2004. In June 2004 The States won Buzzplay.com's national "Best Unsigned Band Competition" out of a field of several hundred bands. In 2006, they self-released their debut album "Multiply Not Divide." More recently, they won Grand Prize in the John Lennon Songwriting Contest, Session I, and completed their second full length album, "The Path of Least Resistance." The States are always on tour. For a more complete biography, please see our Official Website.
Junior
Kiley Bland (guitar / lead vocals), Steve Cox (drums) and Adam Hoffoss (bass / vocals) - three southern boys from The ARK-LA-TX area with big dreams of some day escaping the country back roads, trailer parks and barn dances to be in a rock and roll band. Well, those three guys made their dreams come true, and their band is Junior.
The Winter Sounds
The Winter Sounds are an ambitious, atmospheric indie-pop outfit completely unique in style and sound, hopeful and triumphant. The band creates an aural study of contrasts on Porcelain Empire, most noted in the song “The Great Forgotten” which begins in a world of dreamy darkness; exploding into a land of hope and salvation as the song’s chorus comes in. With flourishes of violin and a plaintive verse, the track ”Poor Sailors” morphs into a synth-pop dirge that recalls bands diverse as The Smiths, The Sisters Of Mercy, The Killers and Interpol. “The Earthworm Song” with its hymnal-like vocals shows off strong lead and harmony arrangements from singer Patrick Keenan, culled from his Catholic upbringing. The Winter Sounds create an alluring sound tapestry that chills to the bone at times, but somehow always leaves a sublimely angelic impression on the listeners psyche.

BBC NEWS
Led Zeppelin confirm reunion gig
Led Zeppelin sold more than 100 million albums in the US alone
The surviving members of legendary rock group Led Zeppelin are to reform for a star-studded tribute concert in London.

Singer Robert Plant, guitarist Jimmy Page and bassist John Paul Jones will play at the show to remember the late Atlantic Records founder Ahmet Ertegun.

The one-off concert, the trio's first performance for 19 years, will take place at the O2 arena on 26 November.

Tickets will cost £125 and be allocated by ballot. Pete Townshend, Bill Wyman and Paolo Nutini will also perform.

Ertegun, who signed Led Zeppelin in 1968, died last year.

This performance stands alone as a tribute to the work and life of a longstanding friend
Robert Plant
Plant on reunion
The place of Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham, who died in 1980, will be taken by his son Jason.

Plant said: "During the Zeppelin years, Ahmet Ertegun was a major foundation of solidarity and accord.

"For us, he was Atlantic Records and remained a close friend and conspirator. This performance stands alone as a tribute to the work and life of a longstanding friend."

The news is likely to spark a huge rush for tickets as devoted fans scramble to get into what could be the band's last show.

I will auction off my blood, organs, and all worldly possessions - think I'm kidding?
Led Zeppelin fan
Tickets will only be available to those who register on a dedicated website, ahmettribute.com, and will be limited to two successful applications per household.

With their pounding, blues-influenced anthems and explosive stadium shows, Led Zeppelin paved the way for artists across the worlds of heavy metal and alternative rock.

Their best-known songs include Stairway to Heaven, Whole Lotta Love, Rock and Roll, Kashmir and Communication Breakdown - although they never released singles in the UK.

Led Zeppelin's last full concert was in Berlin in July 1980 - two months before John Bonham died.

'Whole set'

Page, Plant and Jones performed at Live Aid five years later, and also get back together at a concert to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Atlantic Records in 1988.

But a rift between Jones and the other two band members opened after Page and Plant started working together without him in the 1990s.

Rumours of a reconciliation surfaced several years ago, leading to speculation about a reunion.

Harvey Goldsmith, who is promoting the concert, said that he had originally asked the three band members to play a 30-minute set.

"Jason Bonham became part of the catalyst, and they did a week's rehearsal," he said. "We had a meeting and Robert turned around and said we're not going to do 30 minutes, we're doing to do a whole set."

"It's a day I never thought would come," said Dave Lewis, editor of Led Zeppelin fan magazine Tight But Loose. "The four people on stage in 2007 - wake me up, I'm dreaming!"

The concert coincides with the release of a new two-CD best of compilation, Mothership, on 13 November.

Profits from the show will go towards scholarships in Ertegun's name in UK, the USA and Turkey, the country of his birth.

His wife Mica said: "He would be very proud that Led Zeppelin have chosen to reunite and headline a benefit concert in his name featuring so many of his friends.

OTHER RECENT REUNIONS
The Police
Genesis
Crowded House
The Spice Girls
Take That
Van Halen
The Smashing Pumpkins
The Jesus and Mary Chain
"I would like to thank all of the artists for their generous contribution to help make Ahmet's vision a reality."

Goldsmith said Ertegun "became a friend and was my mentor".

"Our industry deeply misses such a giant of music," he said. "It is a fitting tribute that these great artists have all come together to perform in his memory."

He also warned that tickets being sold on the black market would be cancelled.

Paolo Nutini, Ertegun's last UK signing, went on to score a hit album last year.

"He touched my life with his amazing personality and opened a few doors when I was starting my career," he said.

"He was a special guy, a real gentleman and it's such a shame he's gone but a massive tribute that all his music lives on - and will do forever."
VOTE Will Led Zeppelin be able to recapture their former glory? Yes No Results are indicative and may not reflect public opinion
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/entertainment/6990704.stm

Published: 2007/09/12 17:17:05 GMT

© BBC MMVII

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News
Go to www.myspace.com/bandmateswanted

Artists
THE BLACKOUT are six metallic troubadours from Merthyr Tydfil in Wales. ‘We Are The Dynamite!’ is their debut full-length album. they make rock monster melodic meltdowns. and party hard.
CONFLICT WITHIN-In 2006, from the ashes of Split Level and Before Dawn Burns, arose Conflict Within!!!, Dave, Matt, Orion, John, and Tommie, coming from different racial, ethnic, and geographical backgrounds have brought to the table their many influences and carved out a sound of their own. With their take no prisoners attitude and strong, dedicated and relentless work ethic they are pulverizing audiences and winning over fans, one show at a time. Conflict Within recorded their first demo in 2007, and are available at shows, along with T-shirts and stickers. So, come out and see these guys fuck shit up!

Package-Trample the Weak. Hurdle the dead. These words of encouragement from a longtime friend of the band Package after losing their drummer in 2005 have become a mantra for these eight-year veterans of Atlantas now burgeoning Metal scene. It just really stuck with me, says vocalist Alan Strange. Weve worked too hard for too long to let anything hold us back. Originally formed in 1998, Package has released 2 demos, the now-infamous Free EP, and the self-financed War Torn full-length album. Theyve played shows all over the Southeast including gigs with Slayer, Lamb of God, Mastodon, Hatebreed, Superjoint Ritual, Stuck Mojo, and Full Blown Chaos, just to name a few. Packages music is based on 3 basic principles. Keep it simple, keep it heavy, and make sure it sticks. From this framework, they create lethal power, sinister grooves, and painful hooks. Not pretty radio hooks, just more attention to detail in writing songs that while uncompromisingly heavy, will still get stuck in your head. In December of 2005, armed with new material, a more formidable rhythm section and a renewed desire to kick the world in the ass, Package entered Hairy Breakfast Productions to record their most blistering output to date. Engineered and mixed by Eyal Levi of Daath and mastered by James Murphy (Death, Testament, Disincarnate), the 3-song East Coast Metal Distributors EP is an all out assault that takes no prisoners and a fine representation of the bands music and attitude. And this is just a taste of things to come.

Stories
Men charged over brother sex switch
Friday, August 24, 2007
Sex couple bra
Ph brother, where art thou?

A man in Germany who was embarrassed about his penis size is facing charges, after asking his girlfriend to have sex in the dark – and getting his brother to stand in.

Manfred Schuh, 26, feared he would lose his 24-year-old girlfriend if he did not 'perform well', so he insisted on keeping the lights off during sex and going to the toilet beforehand.

His brother Walter, 28, would then enter the room and have sex with the woman. She found out after two months – when she turned the light on.

A police spokesman said: 'She apparently had no idea. Both men look similar as they are brothers, and the older brother made a point of not speaking when he was impersonating his younger sibling.'

From Gizmodo.com
No Good Cheating Girlfriend's iPhone For Sale

iphonecheata.jpgAccording to Paul, he bought his girlfriend an 8GB iPhone because she wanted one. He then found out she was cheating on him with a guy from church and now he is selling her iPhone. If the advertisement up on Craig's list is true to fact, our man is quite at a loss. In my books any boyfriend willing to buy their other half an 8GB iPhone, no less, needs some sort of 'Best Boyfriend In The World' award. What he does not need is to be cheated on at any point and salt in the wound; losing his once beloved to a guy from church! (NSFW)

Man, I hope God was existing and watching the whole affair; a fellow from his own abode causing such heartache is out of order and the pair should have to pay. We think he just might have to, too. That demanding ho of a girlfriend of his is going to want a new iPhone before she succumbs to spiritual perdition. (He could possibly negotiate a price with Paul). Fortunately for the sinning pair, reception is good in hell, as that is where AT&T is based. Now ladies, hit the link, call Paul and secure a date; if he bought his last girlfriend an 8GB iPhone, imagine what he will get you on the rebound!

Thursday, August 23, 2007
Pavement sex couple arrested

A Polish couple were pulled apart and arrested by police for having sex on a pavement alongside a busy road in broad daylight.

Pictures of the pair were caught on a shopping centre's CCTV cameras and have been reproduced in local newspapers.

Kamila Steranovska and Tomasz Mienkowicz, both 19, stripped off and started romping in front of astonished passers-by in the middle of the day in the Praga district of the capital Warsaw.

A police spokesman said: "They were so engrossed in their act that when we tried to arrest them they told us to get lost and leave them to finish what they were doing.

"They said they just couldn't help themselves."

Police released the pair without charge after no-one complained. Police may now have to answer a wrongful arrest charge from the couple.

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10 Things You Don't Know About Women
1. Sorry, but we're actually all not "a little gay."

2. When "we" are pregnant, don't ever tell anyone "we're pregnant," because "we're" not.

3. We loosened the jar first.

4. It's always, always better to go commando than to show up in tighty-whiteys.

5. If you take medicine for athlete's foot, keep that little secret to yourself.

6. We know you know where the remote control, the dry cleaning, the ski equipment, the peanut butter, the nail clippers, and the toilet paper are located in the house we both live in, so knock it off with the "Honey, could you...?" crap.

7. If you're wearing a baseball cap and you're bald...you know we know, right?

8. Leave the low-on-the-toe loafers and heels to us. We don't like for any of your shoes to resemble our shoes. Unless we're talking cowboy boots, and, in that case, you better have the hat.

9. Supersecret: Unless we're blind or have no night-light in the bathroom, the whole toilet-seat thing is exaggerated and meant to control you.

10. We only tell you the things we want you to know about us, and you can bet dollars to doughnuts there are more than ten of them.

Everything we need to know we learned from the movies

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.

6. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.

13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

15. Your true friends love you, anyway.

16. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

Woman Suing for too much Sex
God bless America: land of the free, home of the brave – and litigators. I sue, you sue, we all sue – and the sillier the cause, the better. Frivolous lawsuits are the stuff of television shows like Philly and Boston Public. But that’s fiction, right? You think.

A woman in Florida has sued her employers for developing carpal tunnel syndrome – also known as repetitive motion injury – in both hands. Why should this make news? It’s a common occupational hazard for data entry operators and others who spend all day typing on a keyboard. Right, except the lady in question is no data entry operator and she didn’t get her tendons in a twist from too much typing. She got it from too much masturbating.

The woman, who lives in Fort Lauderdale, is a phone sexline operator. Her job description requires her to masturbate regularly – up to seven times a day - while indulging her clients’ sexual fantasies. The ambidextrous female used one hand to answer the phone and the other to give herself an orgasm during the verbal foreplay. It’s all about customer satisfaction. Isn’t that what they teach you at management school?

The phone sex lady has filed for worker’s compensation from Florida’s Department of Labor and Employment Security. She has claimed weekly benefits of $267 and also asked to be reimbursed $30,000 for medical bills reimbursement, after a neurosurgeon operated on her hand to relieve the pain. Hey lady! You forgot to collect damages for mental trauma.

Now that’s what I call private enterprise at its finest. It’s no wonder that the USA is the leader of the free world.

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Lez Zeppelin
Lez Zeppelin, the New York City-based all-girl, all-Zeppelin quartet, is set to release its self-titled debut album on July 10, 2007, with a nationwide and European tour planned in support of the new record. Since forming in 2004, Lez Zeppelin has gained unanimous critical acclaim as one of the most exciting live acts around, becoming the first female rock act to pay homage to Led Zeppelin and to garner rave reviews across the board.
The album was recorded with legendary producer/engineer Eddie Kramer, best known for his work with Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, and KISS; and was mastered by George Marino, who with Jimmy Page digitally remastered all of the original Led Zeppelin recordings. The album, released on Emanation Records, will be distributed by Redeye Distribution. All current dates are listed below.
Ben Trussel Band
Ben Trussell Band has been such a part of Huntsville, Alabama's culture that they have become a way of life for their fans. Their performances always grab attention from a broad-base of listeners and faithful fans. The animated performing style of this group from its powerful guitarists, thumpin drummer and SoulFull voice has revolutionized the music industry. Ben Trussell's eloquent writing has tapped into unbelievable pieces such as 'Walkin in My Dreams' and 'Prince Charming.' The music industry has yet another divine group who is appreciated and appreciative of the musical pieces and the people. They will release their debut album "60 Seconds of Fame" in August 2007 and their touring schedule will be widespread as they play for their fans, For all of where they are.
1000 miles from Home
With an alternate identity rivaling Clark Kent’s Superman, the Dallas based rock band, 1000 Miles From Home, transforms from erudite engineers to a force of emotionally charged rockers. They fit the stereotypical geek concept - from competitive video gaming to wrestling with the paradoxes of a computer science revolution - they’re deeply submerged in the abstruse world of the inner-workings of technology. When the glare of the stage light comes, however, they adorn guitar straps and drum sticks as if it were a hero’s cape. For all their love of the tech world, the music is contrastingly organic. Channeling the harmonious flow of Jeff Buckley and cherishing the versatility of the Queens of the Stone Age, the band’s mesh of rock and punk influences elevates the music far beyond many of their contemporaries
Madison Ambush
Think Faith No More meets Sanford & Son. New York hard-rockers MADISON AMBUSH excite the senses with their brand of non-ironic 80s hard rock with a modern edge. Don't expect a generic "The" band following the current trend of re-hashed Cure and Clash wannabes. But also don't expect a big hair band. Think riff-driven, straight ahead hook-heavy rock songs that are undeniable from start to finish with zero pretention.
Fools For April
Fools For April is all about simplicity. Simple, strong songs, with simple, raw production; tasteful playing and pure emotion. Their fresh sound crosses genres of pop, folk, blues, and rock.
Guards of Metropolis
Scandinavian pop rock with jagged edges from a girl's point of view.
Dearest Azazel
So the band started a little over a year ago in Atlanta. Chris and I (Peter) recorded “Sex is a Sin” with me filling the vacant keyboard/drum slots. It sounded just lovely, received a good many plays in the first day, and we started looking for the other members. Gradually it all came together. Jesse left his life in Florida and lived in our practice space so he could be here playing guitar with us. Shortly after, Ricardo auditioned and it was finally a full band.

Stories

Things you would never know if it weren’t for the movies…
· Large, loft apartments In New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.
· One of a pair of twins is Evil.
· Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
· It doesn’t matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one… dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.
· When you turn out the light to go to bed, every thing in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.
· Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fused, deadly gasses, laser, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
· It is easy to land a plane, provided that there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
· The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think to look for you there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
· You’re very likely to survive any battle in a war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
· A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tried to clean his wounds.
· If someone says, “I’ll be right back,” they won’t.
· Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.
· Police departments give their Officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite

March 2007
CHATTANOOGA, TN—In a move that industry observers are already calling desperate, McKee Foods today unveiled new packaging for Little Debbie Zebra Cakes that attempts to emphasize the snack's feeble nutritional value.

"When people think about getting five percent of their niacin intake, we want them to think of Zebra Cakes," said spokeswoman Celeste Freid, who showed an early prototype of the new design's bright bold claims that Zebra Cakes offer "some vitamin C" and contain "almost one percent of your recommended thiamin mononitrate." "People will know just by looking at the box that every 200 Zebra Cakes fulfills their daily fiber requirements."

Though consumer Max Swindel, of Westport, MA, claimed the new approach is a "waste of money," he did concede the snack's original claims of "Delicious!"
"Yummy!" and "Scrumptious!" were dangerous understatements.

Father's Dying Wish A Real Hassle
HARRISON, TN—The last wish of Gerard Sumlin, who died last month at 68, is "a real pain in the ass," his children reported Monday.

The grave of Gerard Sumlin (inset), who asked that his children do this whole big pain-in-the-ass lilac-planting job.

"On his deathbed, Dad asked us to make sure there were always beautiful lilac bushes on the side of his sister Helen's house," said daughter Monica Torres, 42. "We were all crying and swore we would. But I guess we weren't really thinking about what a huge hassle it would be."

Added Torres: "I don't know anything about planting lilacs. What if we do it wrong, and they die? Then we'd have to do the whole thing again next year. Why couldn't he have just asked for us to spread his ashes in his favorite park or something?"

Sumlin made the request on April 13, upon being admitted to St. Peter's Hospital in Chattanooga after suffering a massive heart attack. His children were only able to spend a few moments with him before he died.

"Dad wasn't very lucid because of all the drugs," said son David Sumlin, 39. "At one point, he grabbed my hand and made me promise that Monica and I would plant the lilacs. In the moment, it seemed like a small request, but now that we actually have to follow through on it, that's a whole other story."

According to David, Sumlin was once extremely close to his sister Helen. As children, the siblings used to spend a lot of time playing under the family's lilac bush. However, a bitter fight over family finances drove the two apart as young adults, and they never reconciled.

"I understand Dad wanting to plant the lilacs as a gesture of peace toward Aunt Helen," Torres said. "It just sucks that David and I have to do all the work. Dad's not going to have to slave outside in the hot sun and get his hands dirty, but he gets to die with a clean conscience. Sounds like a win-win situation for him."

Father's Dying Wish jump

Monica and David grudgingly browse the lilac bushes at J&C Nursery in Harrison.

At the time of their father's death, David and Monica said they would be "more than happy" to plant the lilacs, but time and reflection on the work involved have changed their stance.

"You don't think about those things when your father is on his deathbed, but I don't know if I can afford to throw away an entire Saturday on this," David said. "I've had to work the last three weekends at the office, so my wife isn't exactly thrilled about the idea of me spending my first Saturday off in a month planting flowers for some woman I barely know."

Neither David nor Monica has ever had any real contact with Aunt Helen, making the lilac planting, slated for this weekend, an awkward one.

"I remember Mom pointed her out at Cousin Henry's funeral 20 years ago," David said. "It's kind of weird, not really knowing this woman at all and then calling her up and saying, 'Your estranged brother is dead; when can we bring over this bush?' Couldn't we just donate money to some charity in Dad's name instead?"

The request, Monica said, would have been easier to take if the preparations for her father's funeral hadn't already taken up so much of her time.

"I had to take three days off from work just to get the funeral arranged," she said. "There was the notice of death for the newspaper, the insurance, picking out a casket, coordinating an after-funeral gathering, getting a church and organist, talking to the Army because Dad's a veteran, and so on. I'm just getting over all the shit I had to do for the funeral, and now I have to deal with this."

Dreading the lilac-bush planting, David said he will be happy when his final-request-fulfilling days are over.

"Monica and I have already made a pact not to do this to each other on our deathbeds," David said. "It's tough enough losing a loved one without also losing an entire day trying to find a garden center that sells the right kind of lilac bush and then having to haul the damn thing out to some strange woman's house way the hell out in McMinnville. That's not a dying wish, that's a dying chore."

Tennessee Legislature Divided Over Ford-Chevy Issue
NASHVILLE, TN—The Tennessee state legislature will hold a historic, first-ever Sunday session this week to break a three-week Ford-Chevy deadlock, The Tennesseean reported Friday.

In a statement that enraged many of his fellow Tennessee lawmakers, State Rep. Cordell Pritchett (R-Chattanooga) said he would rather push a Ford than drive a Chevy.

"This is a vital issue, not only for legislators but for the good people of Tennessee," said Governor Don Sundquist in an address to the legislature Thursday. "Our constituents care deeply about what brand of truck they drive to work in, rack their guns in, and order their wives back into. But we can no longer carry on as a state divided."

The congressional dispute began Sept. 8, following a bipartisan review of the NASCAR Exide Battery 400 on a television screen in the State Assembly chambers. Upon driver Dale Jarrett's victory in a Ford Thunderbird, Rep. Cordell Pritchett (R-Chattanooga) announced to his fellow legislators that he would rather push a Ford than drive a Chevy.

The remark sparked outrage among many of Pritchett's colleagues. "As the elected representative of the good people of the 23rd district, I could not in good faith allow such a blasphemous statement to be made," Rep. Lawton "Easy" McCallum (D-Laverne) said. "The citizens of my district have instructed me to inform Mr. Pritchett that 'Ford' stands for 'Found On Road Dead.' While the good people of the 23rd may well be right, I myself have always maintained that it means 'Fix Or Repair Daily.'"

Among the major sticking points in the Ford-Chevy debate: whether being Ford-tough is preferable to being like a rock; who gets the Chevy and who gets the Ford in a Tennessee divorce; and whether or not "Chevrolet" is a real American name.

"I resent my esteemed colleagues' insinuations that on a quiet Tennessee night, one can hear Fords rusting," Rep. Bud Kendall (R-Memphis) said Friday near the end of a marathon four-day pro-Ford filibuster. "In response, I intend to begin wearing T-shirts which portray Calvin of the Calvin And Hobbes comic strip urinating upon the Chevy 'bow-tie' logo." Kendall would not comment upon rumors that he will apply a decal of the same design to the rear window of his 1989 Ford F-150.

According to Sundquist, the debate embodies "the deepest, most dearly held beliefs" of the state. "Tennesseeans are passionate about this issue," the governor said. "On the one side, you have those who claim a Ford is a slow, rusty muthinlaw car they wouldn't have as a dog house, and on the other you have those who say that, in effect, their wife yes, their dog maybe, but their Ford, never. I mean, a statement like that implies they're literally willing to give up their marriage over this issue. That shows a very serious level of commitment."

Sundquist, who has long remained neutral on the volatile issue, is reportedly retaining two separate pickups—one a Ford and the other a Chevy—alternating equally between them for use in hauling around his dogs and hunting equipment.

The current car-and-truck brand-loyalty schism is the state's most severe legislative bottleneck since the Remington-Winchester shotgun debates of the '50s. It is also widely believed to be its worst automotive divide since the infamous Camaro-Mustang feuds of the early '70s.

"Back in the old Camaro-Mustang days, things could get pretty nasty on the Senate floor," said Sen. Hank Rawlings (D-Smyrna), a member of the Tennessee legislature since 1973. "But there was one difference: In those days, the governor could instantly bring the legislature to consensus by calling for a vote on the 'shitbox' status of the then-new Japanese compacts. Those votes would always be unanimous."

8/19/07 11:27:45 PM